Excerpts from Your Daily
Shakespeare
A few entries out of more than ten thousand
Do you pay cash or credit card?
"(I’ll pay cash) as far as my coin would stretch; and, where it
would not, I have used my credit." (KHIV.p1.1.2)
Answer to ‘How would you wish to pay?’ If you go out on a date you
should always pay for dinner. Dinners for two where parties ‘go
dutch’ are unromantic. It may well happen that you do not have a
credit card or that your credit card has maxed out. It is absolutely
terrible for the waiter to come back to your table and announce that
your credit card is no good. Should this ever happen, use this line
before actually paying. The statement may be interpreted to mean that
you prefer to pay cash than with a credit card for whatever reason.
In the play. The Prince of Wales' add-on
to Falstaff’s remark that the Prince of Wales has always paid for
everything.
I question your accounting (or your auditing)!
"If you suspect my husbandry or falsehood,
Call me before the exactest auditors,
And set me on the proof." (TOA.2.2)
If anyone suspects your accounting or accounting practices.
In the play. Informed by servant-
accountant Flavius of the poor financial conditions Timon asks Flavius
how this could have happened. Flavius assures Timon that the problem
is not with the accounting.
The promises or claims of your
political adversaries are bogus.
"And here, sitting upon London-stone, I charge and command that, of
the city's cost, the pissing-conduit run nothing but claret wine this
first year of our reign." (KHVI
p2.4.5)
Try, ‘Your promises remind me of the promises of John Cade…. Etc.’.
See also ‘False claim, claiming a non existent achievement or feat -
... the knave bragged of that he could not compass.’
In the play. John Cade, financed by
Gloucester, attempts to start a communist revolution in London. The plan
was designed to equally appeal to lovers of beer. See next entry.
When she says ‘I don’t want to get pregnant’.
"Lady, you are the cruel'st she
alive,
If you will lead these graces to the grave,
And leave the world no copy."
(TN.1.1)
A good retort is she says ‘I don’t want to get pregnant’. Mildly
out of fashion in XXI century popular culture. Weigh her character first
before using the lines.
In the play. Viola/Cesario continues to
lead Olivia to listen to the forthcoming message from the Duke.
How not to tell your age when you are asked.
Age. You admit that you are old but explain why and how you have
maintained your youthful strength – Time hath not yet so dried up this
blood of mine…
"Time hath not yet so dried this blood of mine,
Nor age so eat up my invention." (MAAN.4.1)
Leonato can still avenge the honor of his daughter Hero, if the
accusations made against her are false.
Age. You admit that you are old but there is
still substantial sparkle in you - ... some smack of age in you, some
relish of the saltness of time.
"Your lordship, though not clean past your youth, hath yet some
smack of age in you, some relish of the saltness of time." (KH4.2.2)
Modify this one a little, "Though not clean past my youth, yet
there is yet some smack of age in me, some relish of the saltness of
time."
In the play. Falstaff addresses the Chief
Justice and tries to ingratiate himself with him
Age. You are a bit older than she is - My glass
shall not persuade me I am old as long as youth and thou are of one
date.
"My glass shall not persuade me I am old
As long as youth and thou are of one date." (SON.22)
Answer to "How old are you?" when you intend to deflect the
question. Turn the situation around and make it an occasion for a
compliment, how young she is or how young she looks.
How not to tell how much money you make.
"They are but beggars that can count their worth" (RJ.2.5)
Answer to ‘How much money do you make?’
In the play. The lines are used in a
different sense (See corresponding entry for ‘Love, how much?’).
Romeo has declared his overwhelming happiness at the shortly to be
celebrated wedding to Juliet. Juliet gives an account of her love with
an outburst of emotion.
How to explain why you do not drink.
PORTER. …and drink, sir, is a great provoker of three things.
MACDUFF. What three things does drink especially provoke?
PORTER. Marry sir, nose-painting, sleep and urine. Lechery, sir, it
provokes, and unprovokes: it provokes the desire, but it takes away the
performance. (M.2.3)
A good line for an after dinner speech, especially if drinking has been
abundant and you yourself have actively participated in the potations.
Should you be abstemious you can use the porter’s explanation to
suggest that you avoid alcoholic drinks in order to maintain your
vitality.
In the play. The porter came late to open
the door for Macduff. As an excuse, he says he had been drinking too
much the night before.
Why you do not believe in medicine.
"… trust not the physician;
His antidotes are poison, and he slays
More than you rob."
(TOA.4.3)
In the play. Two robbers stumble upon
Timon who has retreated and retired to a wood. He talks with robbers and
almost converts them away by their profession, by inciting them to
pursue it.
What do you think of him?
"God made him, and therefore let him pass for a man."
(MOV.1.2)
Answer to ‘What do you think of him?’ See also ‘Men, one word
catch all - ... in the catalogue ye go for men…’
In the play. Nerissa’s opinion of
Monsieur LeBon, one of Portia’s suitors
Can you do this for me?
"Being
thy slave what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?
I have no precious time at all to spend,
Nor services to do till you require."
(SON.57)
Answer to, ‘Will you do this for me?’ And/or a follow up after you
already said yes to her request - you will gain some extra points. The
two first lines already convey the idea perfectly, quote all four lines
to make an absolutely lasting impression. See also ‘Beauty, impossible
to say ‘no’ to it - All orators are dumb when beauty pleadeth.’
Sex education for and against.
"O, learn to love; the lesson is but plain,
And once made perfect, never lost again." (V&A)
If you are against sex education try ‘I am against sex education, the
more people know about it, the less are my chances’.
In the poem. Adone’s horse fled to
chase a mare and Venus draws a motivating comparison.
Sex and aging.
"Is it not strange that desire should so many years outlive
performance?" (KHIVp2.2.4)
Comment on an aging Romeo. You could also reply as an Italian politician
did when questioned on the issue, "I continue to run after women
but I no longer remember why."
In the play. Poins referring to Falstaff.
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